Nothing But Rants
Telling you why things suck since 2012. A Cliff Reinitz blog.

Mar
04

So it happens that somebody won the NBA All-Star Game MVP last week, and then pretty much singlehandedly sunk the Orlando Magic in the fourth quarter a few days later.  Accordingly, this week’s Person of the Week is Kevin Durant.

Now, I just love this guy.  He’s the most down-to-earth superstar in NBA history, maybe in all of sports history.  He can smoke your ass for 30 points, and then he’ll go hug his mom courtside.  He can make the most ridiculous dunks and layups, and he’s starting to be able to hit that jaw-dropping Nowitzki fadeaway.  If he ever gets to the point where he’s making that consistently, the only way to defend him will be to kneecap the guy before he gets on the court.

And if anyone kneecaps Kevin Durant, they’re gonna answer to ME.  You don’t want to have 230 pounds of pasty-faced, slack-jawed, lady-armed fury drop down on you.  You’d laugh yourself to death.

Anyway, a big shout-out to Kevin Durant, the NBA’s very own giant Black Basketball Jesus.

Mar
04

So it happens that there’s a whole website called Kickstarter which is dedicated to launching your own potentially loony projects.  I love going there every few days to see what sort of shit people want funded.  Some of it’s really valuable.  Some of it is just good for a laugh.

And then there’s this project, which I think is a little of both.

Seriously?  A movie theater in the middle of a fucking desert?  Well, I’d go.

Anyway, you should browse through Kickstarter every so often and throw a few bucks at projects you like.  If you don’t fund ’em, no one will.  Speaking of which, would anyone be interested in chipping in a few million dollars to my research and development program for BattleMechs?

Mar
03

So it happens that I don’t believe the full story about global warming, or climate change, or whatever the hell it’s being called this week.  Apparently this makes me a “skeptic.”

And I see no reason not to be.  In fact, I see a fairly good reason to be one.

Just so we’re clear:  I’m not a scientist.  I don’t understand how the climate works.  But y’know what, the odds are really good that you aren’t either, and you don’t either.  We just take the words of people who are supposed to know way more about it than we do.

Which is sort of my point. Read the rest of this entry »

Mar
02

So it happens that, sometime earlier today, I got my 100th page view.

And this is with no blog advertising, or stirring up any real shitstorms.

I hereby proclaim myself the new master of the Internet.  In celebration, watch this:

Mar
02

So it happens that I don’t like Rick Santorum.  And it also happens that this rant probably isn’t about what you think it’s gonna be about.

Unless you think it’s gonna be about how you shouldn’t vote for Rick Santorum.  In which case, congratulations, you read the fucking title of the post.  Woo-hoo.

No, I don’t really care that Santorum is such an out-and-proud Christian.  From what I’ve heard, he actually seems to live his faith, which is so strikingly unlike most of those people who claim to be faithful that it makes me admire him a little.  And I don’t think he’s homophobic.  To the best of my knowledge, I’ve read most of Santorum’s major words on the subject of gay people, and I don’t believe he hates them, and I don’t believe he’s afraid of them.  So he’s not homophobic, and if you think he is, then either show me something to back yourself up or just admit you made a fucking boo-boo.

But I do care that he’s not a conservative. Read the rest of this entry »

Mar
01

So it happens that I’m watching the Magic and the Thunder play on TNT, because I think it’s funny to watch Orlando fans cling to the few remaining shreds of hope they have that Dwight Howard will still be on their team come April.  It’s gonna be like watching the Lebacle all over again, except that Dwight Howard probably won’t break up with the Magic on national TV.  And as he always does, Grant Hill interrupted my joyous schadenfreude when he popped up to remind me not to say the word “gay” as a derogatory term.

This commercial has now aired just one time too many for my tastes.  I have seen it more often than I have seen Han smoke Greedo’s ass.  It is now officially pissing me off.  So —

Grant Hill, you’re gay. Read the rest of this entry »

Feb
29

So it happens that I haven’t come close to exhausting all my rants yet.  But I’ve exhausted my willingness to write two posts daily on them.  So I’ll just rant in the evening for a while.  See how that feels.

Feb
29

So it happens that I was browsing through Something Awful the other day, and saw this link from over two years ago.  I used to be into MechWarrior in a big way.  It was a huge part of my junior high school life.  Come home from school, watch Salute Your Shorts and Hey Dude and Wild and Crazy Kids and Clarissa Explains It All, then head upstairs to fire up the computer for an hour or four of missions and destruction.

Screw the people who want flying cars.  I want my own BattleMech. Read the rest of this entry »

Feb
28

So it happens that, after I made my post yesterday about racism and Jeremy Lin, somebody left the following well-reasoned rebuttal as a comment, reprinted here in its entirety:

“u fckin asshole”

I’m kind of surprised they were able to spell one word of three correctly.

Look, I’m not a fan of bigotry.  In any of its forms.  Bigots are just lousy people, and even if I don’t think there should be legal sanctions against them just for being bigoted, people of good will have both the right and the responsibility to avoid the bastards.  But whatever Anthony Federico is, I’m fairly sure he’s not a bigot.  You wanna know who is, though? Read the rest of this entry »

Feb
28

So it happens that I recently had to make my shopping run.  It was a nightmare.  98% of the nightmarish qualities came from all the people around me being functionally retarded.  The other 2% came from those people as well, and for the same reason.  If other supermarkets are like mine, then most of the people in them need to learn how to shop.

So, as a public service, I am constructing a list of helpful suggestions for you to not be such an assclown the next time you go to the grocery store.  You’re welcome, America. Read the rest of this entry »